Birth | Pregnancy | Blog

While reading another blog the other day, some things were brought to my attention that I hadn’t really thought about before. The blog was vbacadventure and the post was about media births. A commenter, Kara, pointed out some media births (on the show “Friends”) that weren’t the typical horrifying portrayal of childbirth we usually see on TV shows.

I like Kara’s point, but “Friends” happens to be our favorite show, maybe the birth scenes are part of the reason why. The labors that took place over their 10 years on the air were not without “complications” but were all natural birth (without drugs or other medical interventions). Phoebe gives birth to triplets, Rachel’s baby was breech, and Monica and Chandler adopt twins, all of which were vaginally delivered babies. They do make those birthing scenes funny while empathizing with a laboring woman. Laughs during labor can help to ease stress anyway, so it could be helpful to remember these scenes. As they say, “Laughter is the best medicine.” Russell kept me laughing and it helped a lot I think (but so did being on my own turf and doing things my way).

While these TV births aren’t exactly realistic either, I do feel they are more along the lines of what childbirth can and should be. When Rachel is in labor, we even see how labor can be different for each woman. She sits there half distraught because a few other women come in and go to the birthing room while she is waiting to do the same. (Another reason I enjoy home birth, my progress is not compared with anyone else’s.) Each one of those women handled the experience a little differently, just like we do for real. One of them appears to feel practically no pain, as she just makes little “mm” sounds during her contractions and then says, “That was a big one!” afterwards. Another woman is loud, miserable and cussing at her husband, but not because of “pain.”

Obstetricians have been trained for worst case scenarios and anything less than that is a bore to most of them. I don’t think they realize their brilliance when they help a woman successfully give birth to a baby without drugs or medical intervention. It would make all their time in med-school seem like a waste (until the rare occasion where that knowledge comes in handy despite all other efforts, to actually save lives rather than control “progress”). There is certainly a time and place for medical interventions, but the media should not promote them by showing such b.s. so often that millions of women actually expect to need those interventions.

Birth should be a time to celebrate family (like “Friends” also portrays: Ross and Susan agreeing on a baby name, Phoebe settling for being the favorite aunt when she has to “give up” the triplets, Joey promising Rachael she won’t be alone, and Monica not separating the twins),it should not be about fear of pains.

There is no cookie cutter for childbirth, but the dough is basically the same. If we are all starting out with the same kind of dough, our cookies shouldn’t be all that different, but it depends on the circumstances in the kitchen. In other words, in case you didn’t get my metaphors, women are women. We have the same parts that make us women and those parts have the same functional potential. The differences in our labors can be caused by a variety of factors like the support we have or don’t have, our comfort level in our birthing places, the attendants we have, and the tools that are or are not used and the timing of such things.

I personally hate stirrups, unless they are attached to a saddle sitting on a horses back. I feel that when my body is good and ready, it will open up, I don’t need some cold, hard, un-feeling things baring my all for somebody else’s convenience. When the baby is ready to show, the baby shows. Making a woman spread herself this way isn’t going to make childbirth happen any quicker, especially if she’s not comfortable doing such a thing in the first place. The stirrup factor is something I’ve also seen a lot in TV births, along with back laying, fear, screaming, loved ones in the waiting room instead of supporting the laboring woman, and women being portrayed as completely unreasonable, even crazy, during labor. It’s not right.

So for a more accurate portrayal of childbirth in the media, I refer you to “Friends”. Season 5 episode 3 called “The One Hundredth” (Phoebe’s birth of the triplets), season 8 the last episode called “The One Where Rachel Has a Baby”, and season 10 “The Last One” (Erica gives birth to the twins that Monica and Chandler adopt). Also, the first “Friends” childbirth scene was when Carol (Ross’ lesbian ex-wife) gives birth in season 1, the second to last episode called “The One With the Birth.”

It was a great show, well written, with a great cast and some great birth stories given a funny twist to show the lighter side of childbirth.

By the way, every one of those childbirth episodes makes me tear up because they are emotionally griping to me, in a good way. So there are your birth stories for today. Watch ‘em if you can and if you see them during your pregnancy, be aware that you may also cry.

Sheilah

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That’s right, I’m making a birth announcement. Jeannie Marie was born at 10:33 pm May 14, 2007. She weighed in as my smallest at 8 pounds. I really thought she’d be heavier than that though, she looks so chunky.

The birth went very well, and actually was my fastest labor from start to finish (my first sign, the mucus plug, to delivery) at about 5 1/2 - 6 hours.

Normally, when I’ve lost my mucus plug, it’s in the morning (with all three of the boys) and they were born later that same night. With Anna, she was born a day later. So anyway, we figured we still had some time since I didn’t loose my plug until yesterday afternoon, so I sat down to play the piano for awhile. My contractions picked up swiftly and were about 2-21/2 minutes apart, so Russell realized we didn’t really have much time and went right to work setting up my birthing pool (see previous post). When the water in our hot water heater was spent, he got pots going on the stove to make sure the temperature in the pool was good. He kept it about 100 degrees Fahrenheit which felt wonderful to me, and I guess it wasn’t to hard to keep it there (meaning the pool held the temperature well I guess).

So anyway, when my water broke, I was very surprised at how fast it went from there. Two pushes (I only push when I have the urge to, that way I am working with my uterus and not stealing any extra oxygen from the baby) and her head was out. I turned her head a little, and about 5 minutes from my water breaking, (or less) she was born.

And you know what else amazes me? For the first time in 5 vaginal deliveries, it doesn’t hurt when I pee! I expected it to burn because she was born so fast I figured I might have had some superficial tears or something, but evidently not. It doesn’t hurt at all. I love my home birth water births! The so called “ring of fire” didn’t hurt either. I felt the stretching, but it didn’t burn at all. Maybe because she was my smallest or maybe because I have the hang of it now.

Sorry, it still wasn’t orgasmic for me, the contractions were intense and uncomfortable, but I would not consider that it was painful at all. It was however, sensational.

Russell recorded some of it for me, so as I watch the video and reflect on it more, perhaps I’ll share more with you. For now, I’m going to baby moon for awhile. In my post partum state, I’m feeling great. I’m glad to be home and I’m oh so glad we have our newest bundle of joy here. The kids were thrilled to be able to witness it too, even Anna!

Until next time, take care.
Sheilah

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Hello, on this fine day! I’m curious to know how you all feel about a home birth waterbirth video, so I’m asking for your input.

I myself have lots of books, and I’ve done lots of research, I have seen videos that I’d like to buy but some just seem to short for the price, if you know what I mean. They are the kind of thing I’d rather rent before I buy because I’m just not sure it’s what I want. Nobody ever asked me for my input about them, and so I’m asking for yours.

A few quick questions:
Who would be interested in a birth video?
What kind of things would you like to see included with a birth video?
How much would you be willing to pay for it?
Would DVD or Video tape be better?

More detailed questions to get you thinking about it:
Would you like to see a visualization exercise?
Pregnancy stretching exercises?
Interviews with my nurse and/or doctor?
Common birth supplies used?
Support tips?
Interviews with my other children regarding their thoughts on the birth?
Tips on preparing other children for a birth?
Talks with my folks, their concerns before and their feelings afterwards?
Ultrasound clips?
A prenatal check-up?

Any other ideas you may have for a birth-related video are welcome. Please pass this on to your friends as well. The more the merrier.

I’ve posted the same questions on the blog ( http://www.birthexperts.com/forum/ ) with the detail.

If response is favorable, and we actually make the video, I’ll give you a 10% discount or free shipping (in the continental US) for responding.

I’m due in about a month, so the sooner I get this information collected, the better so that if we decide to go ahead with it, we can get started.

Thanks in advance for your input.
Sheilah

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That’s right, there are more reasons I’m having a home birth.

Well, you see, after my first hospital birth went so well, (despite the food which was hardly edible to me, Russell is an awesome cook and has me kind of spoiled), I decided to go the same route for our second baby’s childbirth. I saw the midwives, many of which I had seen my first time around, and the one I happened to see the most I really liked anyway. I thought we’d work well together, she seemed so holistic.

Early on in labor, December 20th, I stayed at home until I really started to feel uncomfortable because I really didn’t want to be in the hospital for too long. At the same time, I didn’t want to wait to long and be going over wintry, bumpy, back roads while in transition or something.

On the way to the hospital, we stopped at McDonalds because I figured, “I’ll be damned if they don’t let me eat or drink anything!” I tried to get the healthiest thing I could, which even then when it was healthier than it is now, still wasn’t really “good,” but at least I had some food, and I had also prepared some carrot and celery sticks to nibble on.

(I do not recommend eating fast food, and we don’t at all anymore, not even once in awhile)

Well, I was kind of pleased to see that the midwife I was most familiar with was on duty. They stuck me in a room, way around the corner at the end of the hall. It was not like the last time I had been there. It was very empty, cold, dingy, and had no bathroom. It was the farthest birthing room from the birthing tub and right across from the bathroom that the staff used, so it was kind of a high-traffic area with a very dirty rug. (Maybe the winter time contributed to the dirt and moisture).

The nurse and the midwife checked my cervix, fumbled around with the fetal heart monitor, and sort of got it going, but it kept not working. Then they left for awhile. Russell sat down with a book or his lap top computer and the most awful waiting of my life began.

They would come and go periodically, check my cervix, tell me nothing was happening and that the fetal monitor still wasn’t working properly. All the while both Russell and I were bored senseless.

Then the midwife went on a break and the nurse tried to convince me to let the obstetrician on duty check my cervix, a man I had never seen before let alone met, and I was only just starting to dilate so there was no rush to have yet another person invade my insides. I told her I didn’t mind waiting to which she seemed irritated.

I could hear another woman a few doors down. She kept saying, “I can’t do this, I can’t do this!” I wanted to go and be with her. It sounded obvious to me she had no support what so ever. Nobody was helping her cope in a healthy way and it was driving me crazy.

After an undetermined amount of time, the nurse returned with the midwife. The fetal monitor was still not working well, only just enough now and then to give them an idea that so far everything was okay, my contractions were getting closer and stronger and the baby was handling it fine. Then it would blip out again.

I was almost fully dilated now, but the midwife, who during all my appointments seemed so holistic and patient, started talking to us about ways to speed up progress. Did I mind Pitocin?

Of course I did (and still do)! Well, she could break my water - no I don’t really want that either. Well, I could walk around (on the filthy floors) - okay, I’ll do that some more…
And maybe get in the tub. Sure, I’ll do that too.

When ever I had to pee, I had to cross the hall in my hospital gown. For some reason they didn’t want me wearing a sweatshirt or anything over it. They only gave me a couple of extra sheets and one of those small flannel blankets to keep warm with.

You’d think with the crappy fetal monitor, the cold room in the dark corner, the lack of blankets/warmth, and the shortness of patience that they were really busy, but it was only me and the other woman there in labor. Just the two of us, and I know I wasn’t asking for much. I didn’t dare.

So anyway, by about 3 am, I was really getting tired of the waiting. I had done really well at “willing” my baby to drop down and he was right there but my water still hadn’t broken and I was about 8 or 9 centimeters dilated. The midwife really wanted to break my water and really seemed to think it would help. So I gave in. She assured me it would all be fine, it wouldn’t hurt the baby, and that it would speed things up.

She did the deed, then wanted me to lean back on the bed in a semi-supine position, with my legs way up in the air and push on her command. I said, “Well can’t we try the birth stool?”

“No, I need to see,” was her reply.

“But it worked really well for me last time. Please could we just try it?”

“No, now lean back and get your leg back more. More. Here, now Russell, you hold her leg like that.”

Oh great. This truly sucked _____. (You fill in the blank.)

“Now before we start, what would you like to do for the pain?”

She was offering me some drugs. She knew full and well this was a bad position to deliver in and that it would hurt.

I was instructed to keep my legs up and back (Russell helped with that) and to push, more and more, again and again. All the while I was pushing, she was pushing back (an attempt to help by pushing my cervix around the baby’s head).

By the time I had finally pushed William out, Russell must have been half deaf in one ear (because of my bellowing) and poor William was a disgusting brownish-purple color and lifeless. I don’t remember if the cord was pulsing or not, but they cut it and calmly said, “We’re going to take your baby now and help him.”

At this point I wanted to yell obscenities but said something more like, “Yes, help him!” while gesturing a “do what you need to do/take him and do it.” kind of gesture. They took him to the other side of the room where they suctioned, resuscitated, and massaged him. In the end, he was okay, but it took awhile for his color to return to normal, and the pediatrician thought he looked a bit jaundicy.

The next day, another nurse came in to do a hearing test with some new fangled machine that was supposed to be really super and easy to use. Sure, maybe if you newborn doesn’t mind having a bulky headset on, mine did. Plus the fact that it was working about as well as the fetal monitor from the night before.

When she finally got a reading from it, it suggested that there was a problem with one ear, so we scheduled an appointment for follow-up testing. It turned out the original testing was wrong, both his ears were fine. Six years later, his hearing is still really super, in fact he can hear cars going by on a road we can’t even see that is about a half a mile away. (I can hear them too, but I guess what impresses me is that he was in tune enough to recognize what it was).

In Summary:

• With a home birth, I don’t have to endure any long, uncomfortable car rides, I can stay in bed if I want to!
• At home, I can always count on me. When I’m in labor, I’m concentrating on that task and I have myself surrounded by people (my husband, family, maybe a friend) who will allow me and encourage me to have that focus, rather than worrying about whatever may be on their own agenda.
• I get to choose which room I want to be in.
• My birthing pool can be set up where I want it, within weight limits of our floor
• I can have the room temperature adjusted for my comfort.
• I get to pick which bathroom I want to use and nobody else will be in there incase I want it
• I know how dirty or clean my floors are. I clean them myself, so when they are clean, they are clean, and since we take our dirty shoes off at the door, there is less dirt in the house.
• I have two “machines” I rely on and that don’t let me down as long as I pay attention to their signals. 1 - my body 2 - whatever else I use to keep me occupied during the tedious time of early labor (TV, computer, kids, my husband).
• My progression is not tracked, rather it unfolds which is much easier and less disappointing to deal with
• I don’t have to sit silently and bored. I can watch a movie, check my email, or call a friend with no extra cost
• Drugs, (and other interventions) which I do not want, are not readily accessible for somebody to encourage me to have. This allows me to have the kind of natural birth I desire.
• I choose when I get in and out of my birthing pool and like I’ve said before, there are lots of benefits to that as well…
• the birthing pool temperature is at my comfort level, not too hot or too cold.
• Since we use some awesome colloidal silver that we make for ourselves, any “bad” stuff that might be in the water is “zapped,” making it un-necessary for baby to have eye treatment
• I can birth in the pool if I want. Water birth is another method of natural birth that has been used for thousands of years in some cultures.
• I can use as many or little blankets or clothes as I want.
• Nobody else has the opportunity to leave a mark (hurt), scratch or otherwise, on my baby.
• I have the freedom to birth in whatever position is most comfortable and most effective for me and my baby.
• My legs don’t get numb or achy from being held up by my head
• I only push if I have the urge to push, not when somebody else wants me to. This urge works with my uterine contractions and allows the baby time to recover in between and get some oxygen (which is cut off during contractions and pushing)
• My husband’s hearing remains intact.
• My baby comes out the true normal color, pink. When baby’s are born blue (or worse like William was) it means they have been deprived of oxygen.
• Nobody takes my baby for any reason unless I hand my baby over. There is no need to.
• I know how to resuscitate my baby if I need to (I knew back then also, but the circumstances had me relinquishing control so I went stupid)
• My “born pink” babies never looked like they had jaundice unless they were dressed in yellow. Then their fair skin would reflect the outfit.
• My baby is checked out by a working person with excellent observational skills, not some broken down new technology. (If it weren’t broke, well, then it would have been okay, but it was brand new and not working!)
• The only “back-end” business we create (besides our initial post natal check-ups) is what is truly needed, not just routine.

Home birth makes me happy.
Sheilah

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Yesterday was my birthday. We had a busy day, but not because of that, it was other stuff. However, when evening time came, we had a nice dinner with family and I guess you could say that was my birthday celebration. Isn’t that what birth is partly about anyway? Becoming a family.

I don’t really know a lot about my birth day. I’m not sure my mom remembers a whole lot more about it. It goes something like this I believe:

It was about chore time. (Really, the only time on a dairy farm that isn’t chore time is when the cows are sleeping). My mom had gone into labor, my dad took her to the hospital and my oldest sister who was almost 14 at the time finished up the milking. All my siblings knew what they had to do. That’s the way a farm family it. Everyone has a job to do, and they do it, like clock work.

I supposed they all headed off to school when their chores were done. Maybe Grandma came over (my grandparents lived next door) and helped with breakfast and saw everyone off, or maybe Dad was back home by then.

I was born at about 4:35 am, that much I know for sure, and being the practical farm family, I’m sure business as usual resumed, except that Mom and me had to stay in the hospital for a couple or few days. Mom was just as involved in the farm as everyone else, and hearty to boot because of it.

When we finally went home, all was well and happy, until about a month later.

Back to more recent times, I found out when I decided to have my first homebirth that my mom was considering have me at home. I’m not sure what made her (or both my folks) decide to go to the hospital. Perhaps if they read this post, I’ll find out.

My first Emergency Childbirth manual was actually given to her shortly before I was born, and she and my dad gave it to me before my first homebirth. I consider it my “lucky” one. It’s special to me, so when I lend one out, it’s my newer copy instead. (the link provided doesn’t have an image, perhaps because the cover colors vary and they may not all be from the same printing so they may be different)

I know that they both have had their worries about my laboring at home (because we live out in the middle of nowhere for one reason, the other being that there is nobody in this area licensed to attend childbirth at home) but the fact that they respect and support my wishes anyway means a lot to me. Of course, I do have my “back-up plan” which I’ve briefly discussed in a previous post. Don’t worry Mom and Dad, if I have to, I’ll go to the hospital, but remember my choices are limited (and unfortunately for women in our area who opt for hospital births, they are getting increasingly limited). I wish the birth options were growing, not decreasing. It seems all backwards to me. But, I guess that is for another post…

Sheilah

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This whole site is about a better birth for you and your baby.

Better can mean different things for different people and it’s my goal to give you as much of the best available information in one place as I can so that you can educate youself and make truly informed decisions that you feel strongly about.

Being sure and comfortable with your birth choices plays an important role in the outcome of your birth.

It can be hard to come by and cypher through all the necessary information which will help you gain the knowledge to make informed decisions about your birth. This site will do that for you (I hope).

Find the information and support you want and need to acheive a better birth here at www.birthexperts.com/ and this blog at www.birthexperts.com/blog/ and also the interactive forum at www.birthexperts.com/forum/.

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